When is it okay to consider one’s self in proper social etiquette? Many people attempt to control feedback from others by doing unto them as they desire to be treated. There is little encouragement and few positive examples of self-consideration as a positive lifestyle. The ones portrayed in media are typically rich and famous and the majority of them have a selfish image in the perception of onlookers. Selfish is the opposite of selfless; which is better respected and often aimed for. Life without self, logically, is no life at all.
Considering one’s self doesn’t have to include lack of consideration for others. People choose their response to any given moment based on what is believed about self in relation to the situation. I have noticed that people who feel a lack in consideration for themselves tend to consider self over others more often, without concern for feelings outside of their own.
Self-consideration allows control over the only thing we have full control over. When you consider yourself, you are automatically given an experience of being considered. This gives you control over the way you feel. Once life moments flow in a path guided by self-consideration, it is accompanied with inspiration for considering others.
When was the last time you gave consideration for what you wanted to do or experience, outside of your parents, peers, children, spouse, boss, and anyone else? Could you benefit from more moments of self-consideration? It’s easy to begin making you, not just an important aspect of your life, but the center as you are naturally.
My mother was a single woman who raised 5 children. I grew up witnessing an up close and personal view of selfless living. She always aimed to please everybody; her mother, children, and whomever she happened to cross paths with. In return, she often felt short changed, unappreciated, and wronged in some way. She lived 49 years believing it was unethical, according to her view of herself relative to the world, to think of herself. Any thought of self could have been better spent on someone else whom she believed needed her. She interacted with many select people and few of them seemed to consider how she felt. Depression mingled with her being to the extent it disguised as normal presentation.
Momma died on a Friday, a day before Mother’s Day. Friday had become significant to her because it was a day she’d come to expect disappointment. It was the day of the week that her boyfriend, shortly before her death, got paid and disappeared until the following Monday. I shared many Fridays with her creatively lifting her spirits and reminding her of her greatness. Eventually, I was able to take her departure from life as a move towards self-consideration. Her body was severely ill and the stress level in her life was high. She was asthmatic and challenged with panic attacks. Life in my mother’s perspective was hard and rough. Death was her release.
Considering one’s self adds value to life. Your life is you, being designed moment by moment by you, and is experienced by only you. Life feels better when you are included.
If there is something you have been saying you want to do, will do, or would do if only, give yourself permission to make a step towards it. You really can move in the direction of your desires, even if you are the center of a mountain of responsibility. This may be the first area you reconsider. What things are you currently acting responsible for? Why do you choose to assume the positions? Are the current roles you play in your life accurate of your nature and desires? What adjustments would be beneficial?
Balance is essential in all aspects of life. There is; Ying and Yang, day and night, awake and asleep. An optimal functioning person must feel balanced in their life, body, and spirit. Only then do they have access to the unlimited possibilities that are available. Most humans experience prolonged imbalance in these areas. Time is another area of struggle.
There are people who are habitually late. Others are punctual workaholics. And, there are those who relentlessly procrastinate. And those who don’t know how to relax and play. All of the human conditions mentioned are expressions of imbalance. Balance of time guided by self-consideration could be a start of desired changes. People who are habitually late could schedule time for them to be carefree and relaxed along with time to prepare for an engagement, and then time to get there on time. People typically don’t think in this way. It is easier to simply attach the label to self than to orchestrate a change that would feel better than being habitually late.
People who are responsible for others tend to live imbalanced lives. It is easy to slip into selflessness when other people are objects of attention. It doesn’t matter that life doesn’t feel good. Adapting to discomfort is natural because thriving organisms adapt. Natural doesn’t equal requirement. Fully living and enjoying life is quite different from simply thriving in it. Your life is yours. Only you decide whether you feel good in it or not.
Write yourself notes of encouraging words that remind you of your strengths and value. Do things that bring you joy and that easily evokes smiles. Learn something new and interesting. Be creative and explore your curiosities and passions.
The only way you can experience self-consideration is to incorporate it into your life. As you demonstrate love for you, you set an example for others to love themselves. You also, inevitably harness love to express through yourself. Feeling loved and considered is a wish of many. It is available should you decide to experience it.
I wish you unlimited consideration of yourself, your desires, and dreams. May you allow your greatness to emerge.